Children who learn from their parents become wise people – Amy Morin

Scientists have studied a lot how overcoming difficulties may actually be useful for children. In the research published at Kent University in 2016, researchers examined what happened with kids who grew up with parents who suffered from a chronic physical pain.

Contrary to parents who have a visible injury and disability, many of those children grew up in families where parents’ health problems weren’t easily identified. Other people cannot easily notice Crohn’s disease, fibromyalgia and chronic pain in the back and because of it these children’s situation is especially challenging.

When the researchers interviewed the young about their childhood experiences, they found out that emotional pain they experienced while growing up helped them in several ways.

More understanding – their experiences helped them see the world a little differently. They said they had more empathy and understood better that some things in life were simply outside anyone’s control.

Stronger character – they were more compassionate, decisive, motivated and prone to forgiving thanks to their experiences.

Better development of important skills – they learned practical skills, such as money and time management, as well as defensive mechanisms which will help them fight hardship.

Decision to lead a healthy life is instilled in them – their parents’ illnesses taught them how important it is to take care of yourself. They realized it was important to eat well and avoid bad habits, such as smoking.

Nurturing spirituailty – many of them claimed their faith was strong and they prayed to overcome difficult times.

Your child won’t get stronger unless he/she gets a chance to bear some burden. Let your child go through a little bit of pain and difficulties in order to develop skills he/she needs to deal with life.

When you expose your child to difficulties and give him/her confidence to overcome hardship, he/she will grow up knowing, whatever happens, he/she will get through it. He/she will believe in himself/herself and will be more able to face challenges. 

You cannot save your child from pain and cannot go through all life challenges together with him/her. He/she will have to experience some kind of pain. When you offer him/her skills he/she needs to overcome pain, he/she will get out of those experiences feeling stronger.

Mentally strong people are willing to be by themselves with their thoughts. They are able to spend time thinking about their progress and go deep into themselves to find resources they need to overcome tough times. They don’t endure pain just to prove something to someone. Actually, they are trying to turn their painful experiences into chances to become better and stronger.

Amy Morin, excerpt from the book “13 rules mentally strong parents don’t do“

Translated by Jelena

Boys and Fathers – Zoran Milivojević Am I ready to learn?