Parents’ disgust

If an unpleasant topic, such as youtubers, drugs or sex, is mentioned in the presence of children, I very often notice that parents are shocked and start saying ‘God forbid’, ‘That’s awful’ and similar things. Very fast children stop mentioning those topics in front of parents.
It seems that problem is solved….but not exactly.
As in the Association Prvi put s ocem, besides work in the camps, we have experience in counseling people and children (Uroš is a psychologist, I am a couch), I would like to deconstruct the phenomenon of disgust from that point aspect.

 

Disgust is a reaction from the position of parent’s powerlessness. As they don’t have an argument, they resort to transferring the conflict to child’s personality. For example, if a child was curious about a phenomenon due to which he/she suffered peer pressure, a parent would send him/her manipulative and/or nonverbal message „those who do/listen/watch/consume it… are nits who don’t deserve to exist and if you also do it, you are the same as them“. A child, for who parents’ love and acceptance is a basic need, has no choice but to give up this phenomenon, at a superficial level.
On a deeper level the child still didn’t get an answer to the question why the phenomenon was bad while peer pressure continues…
Further consequence of parents’ disgust at certain topics and people is that children who are by nature curious become uncommunicative in relation to their parents. It only makes it impossible for parents to protect their child from the phenomenon, make an additional comment or control the situation whether it is about using Youtube, Facebook, video games, porn sites, bad company, smoking, taking drugs or other bad habits.
What do you think, should your child learn about sex from you or from porn sites? Or from peers having complexes? Should he/she learn from you why smoking is bad? Why passing too much time on mobile phone is bad? Or playing video games? What about marijuana, should a dealer teach him/her about it?
So, don’t be a powerless parent. Summon up courage and talk about these topics with children, no matter how unpleasant it may be.
Especially if it is unpleasant.

Mirko / Father Pro

Transliterated by Jelena

You didn’t mind us not calling you “Dad“ – Brankica Dam... Transactional analysis