The first girlfriend – now what?

Dad, if you happen to have a teenage son who happens to have his first emotional intimacy with a girl in his life, what would you like him to know? What mistakes that you have made would you like him to avoid? What do you wish do have done differently when you were of his age and in his situation? What would you like to warn him about?

“Great and true love will prove its strength only if it manages to turn two lovers, two weak people, into creatures that are not afraid of changes, misfortune, parting, illness, life, or death.” – Ivo Andrić

  1. Respect – respect your girl like you wish for a man to respect your sister. Respect her as you would the future mother of your children. Perhaps she won’t be the mother of your children, but she will be a mother to some children. Respect her even if she doesn’t respect herself. It’s uncertain if anyone ever told her what she should and shouldn’t do when exploring her freedom. Respect her because you are the one whom the respect should come from.

– “Dad, you have already done this by building your relationship towards your wife. If you had respected and supported her, helped and nurtured her, the greater the chances are your son will treat his girlfriend just the same. However, there is high-pressure from the lost peers and corrupted media, so one should still be very careful. “

2. Trust – to build trust with someone, you need to trust first. There is a risk of being a fool – so what? You need to keep going until you find the person who will reciprocate trust. Those who do not trust others do not give themselves a chance to achieve a deep connection.

– “Here too, dad, you are the one who trusted your wife and children all the time, and who used to say: “I know you can do it” and “I am sure you will succeed”. So, the children learned how to trust themselves in the first place, and when they trust themselves, then it is easy to trust everyone else.”

3. Courage – the virtue that helps you stand up for what you believe in. If you believe that a person is worthy, then you put all your emotions in and risk it all – even if you know there is a slight chance to be rejected and hurt.

– “Dad, if you were present and you allowed yourself to get into situations in which you could end up being hurt, but you still consciously did it defending your moral values, then you passed this onto your children too.

4. Vulnerability – only someone who is courageous enough will let oneself be vulnerable. The only way to build a bond of trust and respect with others is to be and act like a real, authentic, and consequently vulnerable person. The opposite of emotional vulnerability is emotional numbness or the distance where no one can hurt nor enrich us. None of us is flawless, only the other member of our team can make us perfect.

– “If you allowed your children to see you in diverse circumstances and with diverse feelings, to occasionally be content and joyful, and then gloomy, irritated, or distraught, and if you discussed it later with your children, they are already emotionally conscious individuals.”

5. Love – differentiate infatuation from love. Love illuminates, while infatuation flashes like a lightning that blinds you, and makes the night even darker. People die for infatuation, while many decide to live because of love. To be in love with a girl, the girl must be mystical. To love a girl, you need to know her. That is why many people fall in love at first sight, while to love someone takes years. Thus, don’t hurry. Start with the friendship. If you can trust her, that’s enough to start with.

– “Since the moment your son is born, he watches you build a relationship with your wife, his mother. Either you have built a superficial and ‘romantic’ bond through “I am up to my ears in love with you” to “I can’t stand her” phases; or you have steadily built a deep bond of trust and love. The way you built your relationships is the way he will do it when the time comes. However, be sure that the immature and materialistic society will seduce him in many ways, so remind him from time to time that the beauty of life is found in real things.”

All in all, you’ve already done most of these, Dad. You communicated values, you fought, fell, and got up. You protected and guided. You were a role model, and now it is time to slowly retreat. It is not yours to be a mold, you are just a specimen, but the most significant specimen. Where your son will go when you let him go, and when and how he will love, that is far beyond your expectations and reach.
Your son wants to explore his freedom. The most you can do now is trust him, his path and purpose.

Mirko Mitrovic, Fatherpro

Transliterated by Aleksandra.

What do you do when you get lost in a workout? And in life? New fatherhood – Dr. Dragan Stanojevic