Transactional analysis

Key ideas in TA

1. Ego Model(ROD Model): Ego state is a group of connected ways of behaving, thoughts and feelings, the way we express a part of our personality in the given time. Transactional analysis describes three ego states: Adult (behaves, thinks and feels in relation to what is happening around them, here and now), Parent (behaves, thinks and feels as one of parents or another parental figure would), and Child (behaves, thinks and feels the way they are used to as a child). When we use the ego model for understanding personality, we use structural analysis.
2. Transactions, Strokes, Structuring time:I can turn to you out of any of my ego states, and you can also reciprocate. This is an exchange of transactions. The characteristic of TA is to use the model of ego state in order to analyse sequences of transactions. When you and I exchange transactions, I send you a signal that I’ve recognized you (accepted) and you recognize me back, each act of recognition is a Stroke. People need strokes to maintain their physical and psychological well-being. When people exchange transactions in groups or pairs, they use time in different ways that can be shown and analysed; this is the analysis of time structuring.
3. Life scenario (script):Each of us writes their own life story in childhood; most of it has been written before we turn seven, even though we correct it a little bit during the adolescence. As adults, we’re usually no longer aware of the story we wrote for ourselves, even though it is quite probable that we’re living consistently by it. That is our life scenario. By analysing scenario we understand how people can cause themselves problems without being aware of it and how they should act to solve those problems.
   
   4. Discount, Redefining, Symbiosis: Sometimes we disrupt our perception of reality to make it fit out script; that is redefining. One of the ways to make sure that the world looks the way it would fit our script is to unconsciously, unintentionally and selectively ignore information that don’t fit in; that is called discounting (writing off). As adults, we may get into relationships with other people without being aware that these are the same relationships we as children had with our parents. When this happens, and when two people function as if they had only three ego states between them instead of six, as it should be, we mark this as symbiosis.
4. Racquet, Coupons and Games: As children we noticed that some of our feelings were encouraged while others were prohibited. In order to get our strokes, without a conscious intention, we may have decided to feel only certain feelings. As adults, when we continue covering our authentic feelings with feelings that were allowed to us in childhood, such substituted feelings (which we use to get the strokes we need) are called racquet feelings. If we feel racquet feelings and save them for later, instead of expressing them on time, it is said that we’re collecting coupons (stamps). The game is a sequence of transactions that repeats and where both parties end up feeling racquet feelings.
5. Autonomy:In order to realize our full potentials we must perfect our life strategies that we adopted in youth. We must move beyond the scenario and adopt autonomy. TA means are made to help people achieve autonomy. Competent autonomies include awareness, spontaneity and ability to be close to other people.

Philosophy of transactional analysis

Philosophical assumptions of Transactional analysis are:
•      People are OK.
•      Everyone has the ability to think.
•      People decide their own destiny, and those decision can be changed.

Out of those assumptions two basic principles of TA practice emerge:
•      contract method points out that TA analytic and client take over joint responsibility for achieving change that the client wishes to achieve, and
•      openness in communication means that the client and analytic should have complete information about what is going on in their joint work.

Transactions and strokes are important notions of transactional analysis.

Transactions are a flow of communication. They are done simultaneously at a vocal and psychological level. Let’s take for example a sweet, caring voice with a sarcastic intention. In order to understand communication it is necessary to interpret both verbal and non-verbal content.

Strokes are recognition, attention or reactions that one person offers the other. Strokes can be positive (warm hairs) or negative (cold spikes). People yearn for strokes and lacking positive ones they are looking even for the negative.

Personalities put and endure pressure to communicate through an ego state.

Transactions can be reciprocal or complementary, cross, two-fold or disguised.

Reciprocal transactions are those where each person addresses the ego state of the other person.

Mistakes in communication are often the consequence of cross transactions when people address a different ego state than the one the other person really has. For instance, you ask somebody, as an adult to the other adult, if they have fulfilled an obligation and they respond as if they were a child who rebels against parent’s importunity.

Two-fold transactions are those where verbal communication develops parallel to a covered psychological transaction. That’s where the body language reveals real meaning. For example, somebody uses adult vocabulary to say ‘Let’s get down to work’, but at the same time they wink as a child inviting to skulking. The other one, also using adult vocabulary, responds ‘Of course’, replying as a child winking, as well.

Transactional analysis reveals 12 basic orders (prohibitions) which, under family’s pressure, people incorporate into their own scripts:

– Don’t be (don’t exist),
– Don’t be who you are,
– Don’t be a child,
– Don’t grow up,
– Don’t ever do it in your life,
– Don’t do anything,
– Don’t show off,
– Don’t belong,
– Don’t get close,
– Don’t be fine (don’t be healthy),
– Don’t think,
– Don’t feel.

On the other hand, a child is told what they must do. There are different opinions whether there are five or six of those orders:

– Be likeable (be liked by people),
– Be perfect,
– Be strong,
– Make an effort,
– Hurry up,
– Be careful.

Making their own script, a child often tries avoid prohibitions by using the order. To juggle. To conclude, for example: It is all right to live (by avoiding the prohibition – don’t exist) if I try hard.

There are also permissions which are the most important for personality development:

1. Permission to exist.
2. Permission to experience sensations, thoughts and feelings in an original, own way, regardless of what other people would consider that the person should think or feel.
3. Permission to be of your sex and age, with potentials for growth and development.
4. Permission to be emotionally close to other people.
5. Permission to be aware of your basic life position.
6. Permission to change your life position.
7. Permission to be successful in sex and at work, i. e. to value your own and other people’s sexuality.
8. Permission to consider life meaningful and worthy living.

Scripts can belong to a Tragic, Heroic or Banal (Anti-Winner) variant, depending on their rules.

TA differentiates six ways for time structuring thanks to giving and receiving strokes:

– withdrawing,
– ritual,
– idleness (leisure),
– work,
– games,
– intimacy (closeness)

The order is made by the power of strokes, closeness and games provide the strongest strokes.

Withdrawing – no exchange of strokes.

Rituals are mutual, stereotype series of transactions. They contain series of strokes that are exchanged between two parties. People can perform a daily ritual of two strokes so that they greet one another by saying Hello when they meet for the first time. Others can perform a ritual of four strokes, such as:

A: Hello!

B: Hello! How are you?

A: Fine. How are you?

B: Fine. See you.

Distraction is a series of mutual, half-ritual transactions. Distraction doesn’t have a hidden goal and it usually goes on between people at the same wavelength. It is usually superficial and innocent. Distraction is a form of chit-chat.

Activities are about people working together towards a joint goal. It can be work, sport or something of the sort. Opposite to distraction, there is a goal that governs interaction. Strokes are exchanged within cooperation and aren’t personal, but they relate to the activity.

Games are series of mutual transactions with a covered goal, which develop towards a predictable outcome.

Closeness is a way of time structuring which allows for the exchange of the most powerful strokes without playing games. Intimacy is different from games because there is no hidden goal and it is different from activities because there isn’t another process defining a context of cooperation. Strokes are personal, relating to another person and are often unconditional.

Games are an important notion for transactional analysis. Games are usually played by the ego state of parent, adult and child and often have the same number of players. Role of an individual can be changed and people can play a few games.

Berne identified a dozen games, with a remark that independently of the time when, where or why somebody plays, each game tends to have a very similar structure. There are roles, rules and goals of the game.

Each game brings gain (compensation) to those who play, such as a try to cause sympathy, pleasure, achieve revenge or another emotion which usually makes life script stronger. Depriving players of the expected gain is a way to stop the game.

Important aspect of the game is the number of players. Games can be two-fold (there are two players), three-fold (there are three players) or multi-fold. When considering games, variables are useful:

Flexibility: Players’ ability to change game tokens (tools used in the game). In the flexible game players can switch from words to money, body parts.

Persistence: Persistence that people use to stick to their games and resistance to stop them.

Intensity: Easy games are played in a relaxed way. Difficult games are played intensely and aggressively.

By the degree of acceptance and possible damage, games are classified as:

First degree games are socially acceptable in a player’s social circle.

Second degree games are the games that players would like to hide, even though they cause irrevocable damage.

Third degree games are the games that can inflict severe damage to one or more parties involved.

Games are also classified by:

– Goal,
– Roles,
– Social and psychological paradigms,
– Dynamic,
– Advantages for players (Gains).

In transactional games people don’t always act rationally and their motives are often hidden.

In his book Games People Play, Berne describes following games:

– Why don’t you (YDYB: Why Don`t You, Yes But),

– I fit weren’t for you (IFWY: If It Weren`t For You),

– Why does this always happen to me? WAHM: Why does this Always Happen to Me?,

– See what you made me do (SWYMD: See What You Made Me Do),

– You got me into this (UGMIT: You Got Me Into This):

– Look how hard I’ve tried (LHIT: Look How Hard I`ve Tried),

– I’m only trying to help you (ITHY: I`m Only Trying to Help You),

– Let’s you and him fight (LYAHF: Let`s You and Him Fight),

– Now I’ve got you. Son of a bitch (NIGYYSOB: Now I`ve got you, you son of a *****),

– Rape, a woman falsely cries rape or threatens to (RAPO: A woman falsely cries rape or threatens to),

Berne claimed that games aren’t played logically, parent state of a personality can play with a child state of the other, rather than the adult with another adult.

Each game involves the roles of a persecutor, victim and saviour. Players can switch those roles. A victim can become a persecutor and place a former persecutor into the victim role or a saviour can suddenly become a persecutor (for example, admonishing: You never appreciate my help).

The racquet is a strategy that enables a person to cover the feelings they really have but consider impermissible by having permitted feelings. Racquet is a set of actions and chosen strategies that are learned and practised in childhood, helping one to experience feelings from the script. This happens despite your own superficial disapproval and feeling of being hurt, beyond the awareness and by blaming somebody else.

For example, who chose a life script which says that people will always let you down, they will try to experience betrayal, despite their supposed disapproval.

Racquets and games are tools that a person uses to create circumstances where they can freely feel hidden feelings, subjecting to the script from childhood and strengthening it. Those tools are a compensation for a more lively and thorough feelings of an adult and for a response that would be more suitable for here-and-now situation.

Philosophy of a transactional analysis alludes that people are OK, every person has value, importance, equal right to be appreciated. Everyone (with few exceptions) has a full capacity of an adult to think. People decide on their life story and destiny and that is a decision which can be changed.

Freedom from the unadjusted state implanted into the childhood script is needed so that a person can free himself/herself from an inappropriate, unauthentic conduct and transfered emotions, everything that isn’t an honourable and decent reaction to here-and-now life.

Goals of the change under TA are autonomy (freedom from the childhood script), spontaneity, closeness, solving problems as a contrast to the avoidance or inaction, healing as an ideal not a progress by learning new choices.

What is your life script?

Life script is a process where we define ourselves, but also limit ourselves. As long as we stick to it, life looks predictable to us. We pay the price by not accepting new possibilities even when we know they are good for us.

“Life script – unconscious life plan where people feel like victims of ill fate, where we should be experience frustrations in phases and dosages in order to develop. “

1. Milenković

Every human being will be a creator of their destiny. As famous scriptwriters, we write our personal scenarios, direct our life according to that scenario by giving ourselves a leading role and under no circumstances do we deviate from it no matter how hard it could be. Even in early childhood we choose, create our life story and stick to it all our life, no matter the consequences, in order to prove that we are right, even at the price of pain, obligation, self-devastating actions… Script is a pattern by which we see the world around us.

We redefine reality so that we could adjust it to our vision or resort to belittling, declaring something less important and less valuable than it really is, or glorify it so that we could hide defects of our personal script.

Three ego states

By transactional analysis a man has three ego states: Parent, Adult and Child. There are no universal patterns of ego state. Each person expresses each state differently, by their experiences from childhood, mentality, intellect and family patrimony.

* Parent is the ego state where a person acts, feels and thinks subconsciously by copying their parents or parent figure. A person acts the way parents did.

* Adult is the ego state where people act, feel and think in line with what is happening here and now, using all the possibilities and the experience they have as adults. That’s when we act according to objective assessment of reality. That is ideal ego state.

* Child is the state where a person acts, feels and thinks as they did in childhood. For example, when their work is badly assessed, they can react by looking down, feeling shame or anger, as they did when they were  criticized as a child.
Parents’ bans

We get bans or orders from parents or parental figures that affect the creation of our script: – Don’t be (don’t exist), – Don’t be who you are, – Don’t be a child, – Don’t grow up, – Don’t ever do it in your life, – Don’t do anything, – Don’t show off, – Don’t belong, – Don’t get close, – Don’t be fine (don’t be healthy), – Don’t think, – Don’t feel. Those bans are always in a negative form and never in the affirmative. On the other hand, a child is told what they must do and that is always expressed as an order: – Be likeable (be liked by people), – Be perfect, – Be strong, – Make an effort, – Hurry up, – Be careful.

Making their own script, a child often juggles trying to avoid prohibitions by using the order. To conclude, for example: It is all right to live (by avoiding the prohibition – don’t exist) if I try hard.

Parents’ permissions

There are also permissions, which are the most important for the personality development:
–  permission to exist,
– permission to experience sensations, thoughts and feelings in an original, personal way, regardless of what other people think that a person should think or feel,
–  permission to be of your own sex and age, with a potential for growth and development,
–  permission to be emotionally close to other people,
–  permission to be aware of your basic life position,
–  permission to change life position,
–  permission to be successful in sex and work, i.e. to value one’s sexuality and sexuality of others,
–  permission to consider life meaningful and worth living.
Script can belong to loser, winner or banal variant, depending on the rules.

Life games Games are an important notion for transactional analysis. Game theory was established by Eric Berne. Games are usually played by the ego state of parent, adult and child and often have the same number of players. Role of an individual can be changed and people can play a few games.

Berne identified many games, with a remark that independently of the time when, where or why somebody plays, each game tends to have a very similar structure. There are roles, rules and goals of the game.

Each game brings gain (compensation) to those who play, such as a try to cause sympathy, pleasure, achieve revenge or another emotion which usually makes life script stronger. Depriving players of the expected gain is a way to stop the game.

Important aspect of the game is the number of players. Games can be two-fold (there are two players), three-fold (there are three players) or multi-fold. Variables are also important for the games:

Flexibility: Players’ ability to change tools they use to play the game. In the flexible game players can switch from words to money, body parts.
Persistence: Persistence that people use to stick to their games and resistance to stop them.
Intensity: Easy games are played in a relaxed way. Difficult games are played intensely and aggressively.
By the degree of acceptance and possible damage, games are classified as:
– First degree games – socially acceptable in the player’s social circle.
– Second degree games – games that players would like to hide, even though they don’t cause irrevocable damage.
– Third degree games – games that can cause severe damage to a single or multiple parties involved.
Games are also researched by: goal, roles, social and psychological paradigms, dynamics, advantages for players (gain).

In transactional games people don’t always act rationally and their motives are often hidden. In his book Games People Play, Berne describes following games:

– Why don`t you, yes but,
– If it weren`t for you,
– Why does this always happen to me?,
– See what you made me do,
– You got me into this:
– Look how hard I`ve tried,
– I`m only trying to help you,
– Let`s you and him fight,
– Now I`ve got you, you son of a bitch,
– A woman falsely cries rape or threatens to.

Berne claimed that games aren’t played logically. Parent state of a person can play with a child state of another person rather than an adult state can play with the other adult state.

Each game involves the roles of a persecutor, victim and saviour. Players can switch those roles. A victim can become a persecutor and place a former persecutor into the victim role or a saviour can suddenly become a persecutor (for example, admonishing: You never appreciate my help).

The racquet is a strategy that enables a person to cover the feelings they really have but consider impermissible by having permitted feelings. Racquet is a set of actions and chosen strategies that are learned and practised in childhood, helping one to experience feelings from the script. This happens despite your own superficial disapproval and feeling of being hurt, beyond the awareness and by blaming somebody else.

For example, who chose a life script which says that people will always let you down, they will try to experience betrayal, despite their supposed disapproval.

Racquets and games are tools that a person uses to create circumstances where they can freely feel hidden feelings, subjecting to the script from childhood and strengthening it. Those tools are a compensation for a more lively and thorough feelings of an adult and for a response that would be more suitable for here-and-now situation.

„Don’t wish anything else because
a mortal can’t escape his destiny.“ (Antigona)

A human being must endure whatever gods make him go through. The same way Oedipus falls down as a victim of prophesy, gods’ will and ill fate.

“Writing a scenario“ starts in childhood

Life script (scenario) is a theoretical concept of transactional analysis. Life script is an idea, our efforts to create at the unconscious level a story that we make up in our childhood about ourselves and our life and we tend to follow it and later in life realize it. In other words, life script is a personal life plan that we developed under parental, family, social, cultural and religious pressures. That plan is mostly created till seven years of age so that we could realize it through our life and present it as our northern star.

In order to understand this process better, here is an example: we’ll illustrate Jana’s case. Jana was born as the third child in the family. She had an older sister and a brother. Her parents were very busy people, hardly making ends meet. At home Jana didn’t get much attention. The only place where she got any attention was when she was sitting by her older sister and reading a book. When she was very young, at the age of five, she learned to read. In creating her life scenario Jana will make specific decisions related to herself, other people and generally the whole wide world. For example, she may decide to always be a good girl, quiet, studious and without any demands.

She may also decide to do the same as her parents. She will draw a conclusion that world is the place where people should fight and really work hard to make ends meet. Those script decisions will bring an answer to family and cultural messages based on a child’s quite limited level and experience. This is unconscious or narrative life plan, a story that we tell ourselves about the possibilities we have in life while being driven by our experience and inputs we received from our parents and surrounding. We’re making a plan that will make sense and protect us. For example, Jana may complain because of the lack of attention in the family, but as a child she may be excluded from conversation because maybe there isn’t room for complaints and demands in her family. That way Jana received a message that there’s no room for complaints and demands, life has to be accepted as miserable as it is. Such scenarios become limiting in the adult life. When and if we get the opportunity for something better, we don’t dare take it because it isn’t prescribed by our script.

Jana has grown up

Let’s imagine what can happen to Jana when she grows up. Let’s say that she has accomplished some things at work and her career has reached a certain level. She married a man who also invested himself in his work and they get along nicely. Up to now Jana has remained in her script “work hard“, “life is a struggle“. You would think that things are going well for her. There are surely some dark spots that her script created. She doesn’t spend much time with friends and doesn’t notice when somebody wishes to be friends with her. The only she’s got is the one she met in the library. The two them spend time talking about books, the same way she did with her older sister. Regardless of it, Jana isn’t close with her friend because she hasn’t envisaged emotional closeness in her script. Jana married a man who invested more into his career than their life together and she often feels lonely.

Jana left her ex-boyfriend because he was more relaxed and she thought it was laziness when he wanted to spend weekends with his friends and not work. Jana also couldn’t accept his goodness and warmth because it was outside her script.

She started suffering physically due to working too much. She had pain in her back and frequently suffered from infections. She became prone to depression as she neglected her emotions and well-being of her soul, giving away more energy than she received.

What is my life scenario?

Life script is the process of self-defining and often self-limiting at the psychological level as well as of constructing reality. As long as we stick to the script, life looks predictable to us. The price we pay is the non-acceptance of new possibilities, even when we know they are better for us.

Now you can ask yourself: how does your life scenario look like? One of the ways to find it out is to answer who your favourite fairy tale or mythology character is. Which story you liked the most when you were little? Children often use fairy tales as a model for personal stories or experiment with different scenarios. For example, Jana could love Ulysses who took ten years to toil to reach home after the Trojan war. It’s a story where there’s hard work, persistence, efforts, intelligence, loyalty and final victory after so many difficulties.

You may freely use your imagination or go back to your teenage years and remember what your expectations were at that time. Some people think that they would never meet anybody. It is their script decision to be alone. There are people whose script allows them to be happier than other people. Thence there is the classification of scenarios to winner’s, loser’s and banal.

Winner’s scenario allows a person to get what they want in the end (as well as the myth about Ulysses who found his way home eventually). That way some as children think about getting married happily and fulfilling their expectations in life.

Loser’s scenario is the one ending with a person letting others take what they want. To a certain point, Jana’s script can be loser’s. It is possible that she set the script in a way that no matter how hard she worked and tried, she would never succeed. If Jana lives this kind of script, she may become seriously depressed, lose her job and end up sitting at home till the rest of her life.

Banal scenario is the one which is constructed on mediocrity, where nothing is gained and where there’s nothing to lose. Jana could have made the script where she would work a lot till the rest of her life, but have a feeling that she had actually done nothing. Her husband and friends could stay emotionally distanced and she could feel unfulfilled and lonely.

Freed from script – reaction to the scenario

Regardless of the scenario we made for ourselves in childhood, even if it were a winner’s scenario, it is still a model of thinking and behaving which somewhat doesn’t allow us to research all possibilities. It is ideal for us to free ourselves from the scenario or empower it. For example, Jana could continue working hard and work could bring her success, as well as teach her to be emotionally closer to people and allowe herself to have some fun.

Think, what would like other people to know about you after having read your epitaph? Imagine people you appreciate and love reading the memorial written in your honour. Write your own speech that is left after you’ve gone – posthumous speech. Start your new life now when you know that you’ll have a spectacular and beautiful ending. Don’t be one of the people saying – Eh, if only I could do it all over again… We’re never too young nor too old to write a new life scenario. No matter how old we are, the time is now.

Freed from script we become autonomous. Autonomy is a behaviour, opinion and feeling which is directly related to her-and-now reality rather than a reaction to things based on the script convictions. In the autonomy spontaneity, intimacy and awareness are manifested, and that is actually a possibility to live here-and-now. Also, the adults are responsible for their children. We have to help our children write life scenarios which will fulfill their lives. Compare these two scripts:

1. “You never do anything. You’ll always be a loser. You’ll never have money, etc“
   2. “You’ll succeed. You can be successful like anybody else. I believe in you, you can do it… “.

No doubt about which scenario “works better“ and will help a child succeed in life. Anybody, who achieved a lot in life, had in their childhood somebody who believed in them and told them that one day they would be somebody,  they would do something amazing.

Of course, once when we have realized our unconscious scenario, we could change it. We make a decision on our life scenario as children. As adults we may change our opinion. Whatever we decided about ourselves and our life as children, decisions are made from very narrow, child’s perspectives. At that age what seemed to us as the truth of life often isn’t so. From this perspective and with this life experience changes are allowed. As adults we can create again what we created as children. As adults we have the freedom to write our personal stories and have fun while doing it!


Source: „TA Today“

Transliterated by Jelena